Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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