nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
