I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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