you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I forget how to act sober
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
