i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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