Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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