I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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