He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
