he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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