You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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