We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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