dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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