Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
