Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
