I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i drank out of a bidet.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?