my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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