That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
