So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
