I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
