He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My liver just had a heart attack.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You ate ashes out of my bong
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
