after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
