So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
