every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
