why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
