Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
