Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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