I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
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I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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