lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
