I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
