You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
