She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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