i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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