Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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