grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
