he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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