They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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