its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
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I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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