you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
