They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
