dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
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...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
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she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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