If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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