Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
