Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
