Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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