Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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