Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
