I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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