he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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