After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize