i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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