Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize