how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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