Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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