I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
