the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
