I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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