I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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