I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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