I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
