Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
