I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
